Discover Your Stengths Now

I bought this book on Amazon for $4 (essentially for shipping, since the book costs a penny) a few days ago. It comes with a code for an online assessment test which is a series of questions designed to reveal your top 5 talents (foundations for strengths). Luckily the book I bought came with an unused code, so I was able to use it. According to the test, my top 5 talents are:

1. Deliberative
2. Intellect
3. Responsibility
4. Consistency
5. Adaptability

I'm not going to write out what they mean since copyright issues might bite me.


My first and strongest theme is: Deliberative.

You are careful. You are vigilant. You are a private person. You know that the world is an unpredictable place. Everything may seem in order, but beneath the surface you sense the many risks. Rather than denying these risks, you draw each one out into the open. Then each risk can be identified, assessed, and ultimately reduced. Thus, you are a fairly serious person who approaches life with a certain reserve. For example, you like to plan ahead so as to anticipate what might go wrong. You select your friends cautiously and keep your own counsel when the conversation turns to personal matters. You are careful not to give too much praise and recognition, lest it be misconstrued. If some people don’t like you because you are not as effusive as others, then so be it. For you, life is not a popularity contest. Life is something of a minefield. Others can run through it recklessly if they so choose, but you take a different approach. You identify the dangers, weigh their relative impact, and then place your feet deliberately. You walk with care.

Sounds like me, probably 95% accurate.

The Book

The book came in today. I immediately began reading it, despite the fact that I have other homework to do.

Some really good quotes from the book:

"I can help you to accept and open yourself mostly by accepting and revealing myself to you."

"But, if I tell you who I am, you may not like who I am and it is all that I have."

"I can only know that much of myself which I have had the courage to confide to you."

"The greatest kindness I have to offer you is always: the truth."

"To refuse the invitation to interpersonal encounter is to be an isolated dot in the center of a great circle--a small island in a vast ocean."

"To reveal myself openly and honestly takes the rawest kind of courage."

"It is a law of human life, as certain as gravity; to live fully, we must learn to use things and love people... not love things and use people."



I'm halfway done with the book--it's a short book--and I have reflected upon a lot of the things Powell has said. Powell describes five levels of communication, a very fascinating phenomenon that after some thought, is applicable to the people I meet daily. I'm not going to type out the exact text so I'm simply going to summarize.

Level 5 - Cliche Conversation
The weakest response in human interaction in which there is no communication at all. "How are you?" "It's really good to see you." We talk in cliches and we mean almost nothing of what we say. If we get a really thought out answer to the question, how are you? in detail, we would be astounded. Usually, we don't bother and give the simple, "Fine, thank you."

Level 4 - Reporting the Facts about Others
We remain content on restating facts on what others have done or said. We offer no personal reflection on these facts. We simply report them, we give nothing of ourselves and invite nothing from others in return.

Level 3 - My Ideas and Judgments
There is some communication of my person. I will take the risk of telling you some of my ideas and reveal some of my judgments. My words are carefully thought out, I will carefully watch how you react. I want to be sure that you will accept me with my ideas, judgments, and decisions. If you appear bored, uninterested, disgusted, I will retreat to safer ground--change the subject, or worse, I will start to say things I suspect that you want me to say.

Level 2 - My Feelings (emotions)
The thing that most clearly differentiate and individuate me from others, that make the communication of my person a unique knowledge, are my feelings or emotions. The feelings that lie under my ideas, judgments and convictions are uniquely mine.

Level 1 - Peak Communication
(Can't really be summarized because I do not truly understand it).

Wonder if I'll ever be able to accomplish level 1.

Why Am I Afraid to Show You Who I Am?

The following post will be a very long one, I believe most of you will forgo it. It talks about a lot of things I relate to and has a very important meaning for me. But if you appreciate thinking about life, go on and read what I have to say.

"Why am I afraid to show you who I am?" by John Powell.

A two page excerpt from English class:


Someone has aptly distinguished five levels of communication on which persons can relate to one another. Perhaps it will help our understanding of these levels to visualize a person locked inside of a prison. The prisoner in our example is a man, but he represents every human being. He is urged by an inner insistence to go out to others and yet afraid to do so. The five levels of communication, which will be described a little latter, represent five degrees of willingness to go outside of the self, to communicate the self to others.

The main in the prison—and he is everyone—has been there for years, although ironically the grated iron doors are not locked. He can go out of his prison, but in his long detention he has learned to fear the possible dangers that he might encounter. He has come to feel some sort of safety and protection behind the walls of his prison, where he is a voluntary captive. The darkness of his prison shields him from a clear view of himself. He is not sure what he would look like in broad daylight. Above all, he is not sure how the world, which he seems from behind the bars, and the people whom he sees moving about in that world, would receive him. He is fragmented by an almost desperate need for that world and for those people and at the same time, by an almost desperate fear of the risks of rejection he would be taking if he ended his isolation.

This prisoner is reminiscent of what Viktor Frankl writes, in his book Man's Search for Meaning, about his fellow prisoners in the Nazi concentration camp at Dachau. These prisoners yearned desperately for their freedom. Yet some of them had been held captive so long that when they were eventually released, they walked out into the sunlight, blinked nervously, and then silently walked back into the familiar darkness of the prison. They had been accustomed to this darkness for such a long time.

This is visualized, if somewhat dramatic, dilemma that all of us experience at some time in our lives and in the process of becoming persons. Most of us make only a weak response to the invitation of encounter with others and our world because we feel uncomfortable in exposing our nakedness as persons. Some of us are willing only to pretend this exodus, while others somehow find in themselves the courage to go all the way out to freedom....


This is what I have to say:

Alienation is wall building, to protect ourselves from getting hurt. Sometimes this process is invisible to the builder; it disconnects the builder from others, him/herself, and purpose in life. Why do people build walls? They are afraid of what others think. We all want to be loved, as human beings, and being liked is the step down from it. Most of the time we take what others think a bit too much.

We are afraid of rejection, "Oh is that what you think? I don't think I like you." This is why people conform to norms. To deviate from the norm is to stand out as weird, and people have a natural tendency to conform to what others are doing. Who are you really? Is it who you want to be? Or is it who others want you to be?

Why am I afraid to tell you who I really am? I'm afraid to tell you who I really am because if I tell you who I am, you might not like who I am--and that's all I've got. Because really, what else do I have to offer if you don't like me for who I am? It is for this very reason that most people shield themselves against the world, choosing to reveal what part they deem "safe" to show others.

I guess this is why I am such a cynic in general. I once revealed to this person who I really am, the truth, and tore down the walls. "To reveal myself openly and honestly takes the rawest kind of courage," as John Powell would put it. And you know what? When it didn't work out, the feeling of rejection was very overwhelming. After that, I rebuilt my invisible wall once again, feeling unsafe, crawling back into my cave. I'm afraid to open up again, only to get let down. But you know what, if the person doesn't like you for who you are, then it isn't the right person. Relationships have to be mutual, or else it’s a sham.

I ordered the book just now, on Barnes and Noble for $6 (the book costs $2). I hope I'll learn more about myself and if not, at least get some good insights for life. So far it seems like such a fascinating topic...


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