some thoughts part 2

We all want to be special in our own little way but the truth of the matter is--most of us are simply a dime a dozen.



I've put off this for quite some time now so here it is.

For the past week I've been quite upset. I got my first B in college. I missed A- by 1 point, which is equivalent to getting 1 more multiple choice question answered correctly on the final exam. The more I thought about it the less it made sense to me. Somehow the class average and the median was higher than mine. The curve obviously worked against me. I was so sure of myself, so sure that I would get an A in that class (CIS) that I didn't really take the final seriously. I'd like to blame the professor, I'd like to blame the cheaters in the class, I'd like to blame anyone but myself but the truth is, I am to blame. If everyone managed to ace this exam, there is no excuse to why I did not.

I thought about it and every time I did, I felt a lot of anger. I don't believe I'm a docile person at all, in fact I demanded that I get to review over my final exam and I did. We found one answer marked wrong that was right, but it didn't matter anyway because I still did not reach the cut off for that A-. I decided that there was no use in asking for any way to boost my grade because I really hated the professor.

As for why this trivial thing makes me angry, it's just a matter of pride. I was so stressed out that I think I had an ulcer. The thought of no longer being able to brag about having a 4.0 GPA makes me sad. All of last semester and this semester I kept bragging on about how easy my classes were and how I didn't study much at all for them and still got straight A's (which was true for the most part). I guess this is karma getting back at me because I really should be more humble about it. Humility is a difficult virtue for me to harness because pride stands in the way. It's so much easier being the bad guy.

I wanted to be special, at least be able to tell others that I maintained a 4.0 in college, but guess not. I vowed to never get another B in college and that's what I'm going to do.